Do you wonder about the difference between third person intimate and omniscient point of view? Have you ever considered using an intimate point of view but aren’t sure what that means? If so, read on.
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Why point of view confusion is common
If you find the differences in third person point of view confusing, you’re not the only one. It was one of the aspects of writing craft that took me a very long time to get my head around. The problem is that the differences can be subtle, and though third person intimate writing can—and often does—go in and out of an omniscient point of view, a book written in omniscient point of view should never stray into an intimate point of view.
What’s wrong with not being clear on the difference?
When an author isn’t clear about which point of view they’re writing, they tend to end up with a mishmash of points of views that make the reader anywhere from a little uneasy to outright confused. And those who recognise a point of view that’s bouncing around all over the place, will recognise that this is an author they can’t trust to deliver a good story, and so they’ll simply stop reading—as I do. No one wants to waste their time on an author they suspect doesn’t know what they’re doing. General readers may not be able to say what is wrong, but something will feel ‘off’.
It’s important as an author to know the difference in points of view and be clear on which one you’re using because even subtle point of view confusion weakens your writing. A great story will forgive many mistakes, but if you want to develop real skill as an author and you want to produce a truly professional product, point of view is something you need to get right.
First person point of view is easy to recognise and write; it’s where the protagonist refers to themselves as ‘I’. The place where confusion is rife in is in the difference between difference is between third person intimate and third person omniscient.
What’s the difference between third person intimate and third person omniscient?
Third person point of view (POV) is when you use ‘he’, ‘she’, and ‘they’ to refer to the protagonist(s)—central character(s)—of the story.
Omniscient:
The omniscient version of third person is when the story is told by an omniscient narrator who knows everything about the story and about the people. Yes, they do know the thoughts of all the characters, but—and this is the key point—they do not write as if they ARE any of the characters. The narrator is a separate story teller OUTSIDE of the characters. They do not see the world through any of the character’s eyes. They see the story from their own perspective, from outside a character’s mind and body, not from within a character’s mind and body.
Though it’s not mandatory—and is not fashionable these days—the omniscient point of view also allows the author to make a commentary on the story, to give their opinion on the events and characters, something you never do in third person intimate because it would intrude upon the story.
Where the confusion is born:
The point that arouses confusion is that the omniscient narrator knows the character’s thoughts and feelings, and inexperienced or uneducated authors take this to mean that they can reveal any and every character’s thoughts at any time. This idea leads to head hopping, and a tendency for some authors to use omniscient POV as an excuse for not caring about how they move from one character’s thoughts to another.
Even if the writing is truly in omniscient POV, revealing several characters’ thoughts in quick succession—sentence by sentence or paragraph by paragraph—and going back and forth from one to another is still a form of head hopping. The writing is not as strong or as skilful as keeping with one person’s thoughts for a reasonable length of time before sharing someone else’s.
Third person intimate:
This is when the story is told from the point of view of one or more of the characters in the story, not by someone on the outside. The narrator is one or other of the characters in the story, so they talk in the character’s voice, not in the voice of an external viewer who is personally uninvolved in the action. The character refers to themselves in third person, using ‘she’ or ‘he’, but they share what that character is seeing, thinking, feeling, tasting and experiencing. The story is written as if through the eyes of the characters.
The difference:
An omniscient narrator might say:
Kathryn gasped at the sight of Joshua and Celia kissing on the garden bench in a blatant display of passion. The sweet scent from the jasmine on the trellis wafted over the scene, mocking the bitterness Kathryn felt at his betrayal. She wondered if he even cared that she might come upon them. Tears welled in her eyes, breaking through her usual composure, and she ran from the sight, stifling her sobs. Once out of hearing, she stopped and, drying her tears, decided that she would not allow him to make a fool out of her. She was determined to plot her revenge, wait until the time was right, and then make him pay for his sins.
From the intimate perspective of Kathryn, who doesn’t know the name of the flowers, the narration would be something like:
Kathryn gasped. Joshua, the two-timing bastard, was blatantly snogging Celia on the garden bench. Her stomach soured at the hot and heavy display. Didn’t he give a damn that she might come across them? The sweet scent from the little white flowers that wafted over the sickening scene mocked the bitterness lodging like a rock in her heart at his betrayal. Tears rose and burst through her self-control. She turned and fled, stifling her sobs until she was out of hearing range. She’d bide her time, but she’d get her revenge, make him pay for his sins. No one makes a fool out of Kathryn O’Dowd!
Inside and outside the character:
Note how the first example is written from the view of someone watching from outside Kathryn and in a voice unaffected by the scene. The narrator is simply telling the story; he or she is not involved in it. The narrator does know what Kathryn is thinking and feeling, but he or she doesn’t refer to how the emotion feels in her body—that’s the realm of the intimate point of view. The omniscient narrator notes that she feels a certain way—as in ‘the bitterness Kathryn felt’—but not how that emotion feels to her or how it manifests in her body—as in ‘the bitterness lodging like a rock in her heart’, and ‘her stomach soured …’
Sharing thoughts:
The omniscient narrator also shares her thoughts—as in ‘she wondered if …’ and ‘she decided …’ and ‘she was determined …’ But in the intimate view, we have Kathryn’s direct thoughts—as in, ‘Didn’t he give a damn …’ and, ‘She’d bide her time, but she’d get her revenge. No one makes a fool out of Kathryn O’Dowd!’ These are things she actually thinks, only she’s using third person, not first person (except for the bit in italics, which is why it’s in italics). First person would be, ‘I’ll bide my time, but I’ll get my revenge. No one makes a fool out of me!’—no italics necessary because the whole book is in first person.
Language used:
The language in the intimate example is the kind of language that Kathryn would use. It’s written in her voice. It uses the kinds of words she would use to describe the scene, which deepens the characterisation and is more indicative of how she feels, hence ‘intimate’— for example: ‘snogging’ instead of ‘kissing’; ‘the two-timing bastard’; ‘hot and heavy display’ instead of ‘passionate’; ‘little white flowers’ instead of ‘jasmine’; ‘sickening scene’ instead of just ‘scene’; the addition of ‘like a rock in her heart’; and she refers to her ‘self-control’ rather than ‘usual composure’.
Summary:
True omniscient POV cannot use the language /voice of any of the characters, because the omniscient narrator has their own voice—be it obvious or not. And despite their omniscience in knowledge, in terms of writing craft an omniscient narrator can only express thoughts by saying that a character ‘thought’, ‘felt’, ‘wished’, ‘observed’, ‘determined’, ‘decided’ and so on.
So an omniscient narrator could say, ‘Kathryn thought, “I’ll bide my time, but I’ll get my revenge, make him pay for his sins,”’ or he or she can say, ‘She was determined to plot her revenge, wait until the time was right, and then make him pay for his sins.’ But an omniscient narrator cannot just say, ‘She’d bide her time, but she’d get her revenge, make him pay for his sins,’ because that’s telling the story from inside Kathryn’s mind, not from someone outside who, though he or she knows what Kathryn is thinking, isn’t telling the story as Kathryn sees it.
No wonder we get confused, right?
A helpful thing to remember for omniscient writing, is that if the story is told well enough from outside, then what a character is thinking is clear by their actions, body language, gestures and expressions, and so it’s not necessary to look inside the character’s mind. And when you do need to share what a character is thinking, make sure you don’t then pop straight over to say what someone else is thinking. Stick with one character’s thoughts for at least a few paragraphs before letting the reader know what someone else is thinking. That way, if you do get a bit too intimate in your writing, you’ll not be giving the reader whiplash.
In my next post, I’ll be looking at how to write in third person intimate and why you might like to.
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