My daughter Rose and I have just returned from a two week meditation retreat where we left Prince George with my husband who is unused to having to attend to his needs and keep him entertained. For the next few weeks I’ll share the communications that passed between us and Chris (my husband) along with relevant photos of Prince George. First up is a series of Amuse-a-cat tips sent to my husband from my daughter. Try these tips on how to amuse a cat on your own moggy.
Hi there
We at bored-and-in-pain-already-at-retreat-industries are pleased to inform you that you have won a 7 day subscription to daily amuse-a-cat tips! What’s that you say? You didn’t enter any competitions? Well that makes the prize even MORE AWESOME!
Mr Newland, for the next seven days-THATS RIGHT SEVEN DAYS, you will receive daily amuse-a-cat tips right to your inbox. ABSOLUTELY FREE!
Stay tuned for your first cat-tip TOMORROW at an undisclosed time of day.
Regards from
Bored-and-in-pain-already-at-retreat-industries
Sent from EYE-Phone-Paw-S
Terms and conditions apply. Offer is non refundable or redeemable as cash.
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Oh what the links broken? What a shame I guess you can’t unsubscribe. Better stay tuned for your cat-tips instead!
Amuse-a-cat-tip no.1: when next beset by a bored and bunting beast, make sure you always have a green bag or box handy, scoop up the beast and place him in the bag or box and take him with you wherever you go.
Amuse-a-cat-tip no.2: When sitting In your office, make sure your waste paper basket is within reach. Whenever the yowling starts, you can throw various items to/at the yowler. Pro: moving items keep yowler amused as long as you keep them coming.
Con: Floor of office becomes covered in debris very quickly.
Amuse-a-cat-tip no.3: Next time the grunting groans start, grab the groaner and gyrate with him around the garden until groans cease.
Pro: you get to move and get kitty cuddles at the same time.
Con: you have to move, and amusement is usually short lived for both parties.
Amuse-a-cat-tip no.4: cats like cupboards.
Pro: four paws will probably sleep up there
Con: when he’s done sleeping you’ll still have to deal with all four paws an possibly claws.
Amuse-a-cat-tip no.5 : fluff bundles like cars
Pro: you can take fluff bundle with you wherever you go
Con: fluff bundle might not want to come with you.
Amuse-a-cat-tip no.6: when next dissatisfied kitty is apparent, tip him over.
Pro: kitty tipping is hilarious
Con: kitty may retaliate with claws and gnaws
Amuse-a-cat-tip no.7: when running out of ideas. Call in the big-mean-boy (boyfriend who helps on the property and often plays rough and tumble with George) and delegate cat-amusement tasks as well as yard work.
Pro: cat is amused and yard work gets done
Con: big-mean-boy must be fed and paid.
Hi there!
We hope you enjoyed your seven day subscription to daily amuse-a-cat-tips. Unfortunately our office here at bored-and-in-pain-already-at-
Oh damn those fire ants took the link again. Sorry. I guess your going to get it anyway.
Best regards
From all of us here at bored-and-in-pain-already-at-
Amuse-a-cat-tip no.8: if in real strife one can always resort to forcing the kitty out for a small dip in the pond.
Pro: kitty will be amused for hours licking himself dry
Con: kitty will REALLY not appreciate it.
If you enjoyed this post and you’d like to read more Cat Columns, sign up to receive blog posts by email – eyes right for the sign up box. Prince George appears in my Diamond Peak Series as Twitchet, and in my Prunella Smith series as Merlin.
